Nadia ~

Well i dont know but with her being away i thought it would give me some time to...i dont know.

I always loved her company be it msn or the visits to her house (Not those kind of visit' s im harmless *wince*) I think you never really appreciate what you have untill its gone,ok yes i know she will only be gone a week and after that be back on the weekends once in awhile from college, but if im missing her terrible now...will it get worse?

After Bahar i kinda just put everything on shutdown.....and hardly anyone reads this if none at all so i feel comfortable enough writing it, I kind of made a small vow that i wouldnt fall for anyone easiely....i hated myself for feeling like that after we broke up...a bit depressing for my taste, i guess ive always used humour as a sort of sheild.

But now with Nad...im afraid...of what im not sure, alot of things i guess....afraid of losing her friendship if this doesnt work...afraid of losing her if i just played it safe.And yet every inch of me is screaming to just go for it...something im not very good at and with no experiance in....sometimes while chatting ill be waiting for a moment when she smiles or laughs....when i say something funny ( i hope) or silly.....couse when she does it just.....oh god this is so corny *slaps forhead*

How she wrinkles her nose and how much she insists on reminding me she hates it..*smile* or calling me wa...(wait im not mentioning that here) knowing it annoys me.She doesnt take me seriously hahaha and gives as good as she gets.

What am i afraid of the most i think? Maybe how she might have always liked me as a friend better, and as long as were friends then thats fine...but i know it will kill me later when we're talking and i watch her do her little things, and know i cant have her. I guess i really do think to much, i want to tell her everything...but time sometimes prevents it..and when we do meet up somehow everything just goes blank.

And i know she sometimes would like to go out but she cant becouse of her parents and such..and i totally understand, but it seems a part of brain it thinking she might not want to go out at the moment..or be with me, (which i know isnt true) how she would message or text me often..wishing me goodnight at college ( i loved those) and how i think things have quieted down now...which i think might be my fault, but somehow i use these as excuses for not calling her...or give me a reason to be annoyed at her...for what? For putting me down this road again.....and yet this is different, its....i cant put it in words.

Since when was life so complicating? And another part of me is saying it isnt...its as simple as you think it is.

Or maybe i just waited too long...i really do want to go down that yellow brick road and end up in some magical otherly worldly island of amoure with you. *smile*